I'm not really. But sometimes I feel like I should be. I'm sure I'm not the only one in the world who feels this way. Sometimes I feel like I've seen a time-traveler or two. In fact, I think there are quite a few YouTube videos about the topic.
In all seriousness, I really don't feel like I was meant to live in 2019. It isn't for me. Can someone perfect time-travel and get me out of here already? Because every time I read a Jane Austen novel or watch a move set in another time, I yearn for a simpler day that wasn't muddled with technology. I know what you're thinking, "Every time and era had its share of problems." I'm sure they did. But that isn't the point. The point is that I wasn't meant for the problems of THIS era. I wasn't meant for technology. I wasn't meant for social media, and Hollywood, and everything else that happens today. I'm a low-key girl. My mind and spirit weren't meant for the constant fight of politics or consumerism. When I read the works of women of generations and times long ago, I can't help but to wonder if I wasn't meant for another time. The way men were written in the books back then as gentlemen and the differences between men and women now. My mind makes a list of reasons why I should be blasted to the past.
I was at the mall yesterday and I contemplated buying a prom dress. It's a ridiculous notion because I'm 32 years old and I haven't been to prom in 15 years. But it wasn't just any old prom dress. There was one that was tucked away in the corner all alone and it reminded me of the dresses I see on the BBC network and it looked just like the white dress Romola Garai wears on Emma. You all know that one if you've seen the show. I imagined myself wearing it everyday while I'm at home writing. My husband said I could get it and said, "Who would know? It's not like you go anywhere." I thought about his statement for a few moments and actually considered buying the dress. Then I thought about how sad his statement made me. 200 years ago, I wouldn't have sat alone in my house every day. But today, we no longer care about relationships with people. We are the most disconnected connected society ever. At the click of a button, we can "talk" to people on the other side of the world but we are lonelier than ever. There are times when I don't see another adult outside of my husband for weeks because of our lifestyle. I wake up, send my kids to school, write, do housework, and make dinner when the family comes home. Outside of that, I'm just a lonely person who lives yearning for a different time. I have 2000 followers on Twitter, 300 "friends" on Facebook, over 200 followers on Instagram, but I still feel alone in the world. I think that's why I write. I need to feel connected to someone. Perhaps it's because I am time-traveler meant for a time other than this. When I look outside and see the cars pass by, most of me wishes it was still dirt roads with horses and carriages. I wish I could walk the few miles into town without worrying whether or not I am going to get hit by a car. I wish for the simplicity of life once again. I don't want a $200 electric bill and a $150 phone bill. Where are the 6 hr. and 12 hr. candles? Where are the huge brick houses with four and five fireplaces? Where are the huge estates with large stables keeping all the horses?
Life has become complicated and people are getting weary. Technology can be good and I wouldn't be alive today without it. However, too much of a good thing can be bad.
"Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.” - Jane Austen
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