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It's Not Just Carpal Tunnel

Updated: May 21, 2019

For a few months now, I've had a terrible shooting pain down my left arm into my fingers. If I was a little bit older, I might go to the ER and be worried that I'm having a heart attack. But I'm only in my 30s, I'm healthy, and I know what the diagnosis is. I have carpal tunnel and typing elbow. I'm a #writer. I sit at my computer pretty much all day every day and I've been doing this for the past three years. I could get it fixed and be on my merry way. But I don't because then I couldn't type. I couldn't do what I love for a few short weeks while I heal. I wouldn't be able to write. So I suck it up. I grin and bear the pain. I live on because I live to write.

Many would say that I'm crazy and I should take a few weeks to rest and recuperate in order to heal. But I finally have what I want. I have a book contract. Only two months ago, I signed a publishing deal after years of hard work and dedication. To stop writing now would be defeat in my eyes. I must keep going. Do runners stop in the middle of a race if their calves cramp? No. They keep running. Do hikers let go of the ledge if they start to fall? Absolutely not! They hold on for dear life and grip that ledge even harder. Writing is the same for me. I can't give up when it gets hard. I must keep going and push through the tough times. 127 rejections came my way, but I didn't give up. I learned from those and kept moving. With each painful word in each of those letters I was taught something new about the journey of #writing. Every time an #agent said, "It's not for me," I tried a new one. Every time an agent said, "You have a great concept and amazing writing skills, but I'm not looking for fantasy right now," I took that compliment and moved on to the next because I believed in what I was doing and I knew that I had talent. I wasn't giving up then, and I'm not giving up now, especially not now. I made it this far. I can't let go of the dream that I've worked so hard and so long for. To me, this isn't "just carpal tunnel." To me, it's proof of everything I've been through and fought for. It's 127 rejection letters and "Not for me" letters. It's all the tears I cried and sleepless nights I had wondering if it was all worth it. It's sitting alone in my house every day without a friend in the whole world while I revised and edited while everyone said, "Give up." But I believed in my books and my writing. To me, this carpal tunnel is more than carpal tunnel. It's everything I've worked for and everything I've become. It's because I'm a writer.


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