A few years back, I lost someone very special to me. She was a person unlike any other. Grandmas have a way of doing that to someone's heart, I suppose. Losing someone dear to us might be one of the hardest times of a person's life. Grief is one of the deepest burdens that no other person can bear for you and no one can quite understand your pain. Other people can certainly understand the emotion of grief if they've ever experienced loss and they can certainly know what it is to feel loss as well. They definitely can sympathize and/or empathize with you. But no one can honestly know exactly how you feel.
When I lost my grandma, she died suddenly and it wasn't really expected. I said goodbye over the phone, which was the hardest part of it all because she was barely coherent and I felt like I had no closure to her death. I was very close to my grandma. She had always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to about the hard issues in life and to this day I can still remember how she sounded when I picked up the phone and answered her calls... "Hi, Megan. It's Grandma..."
She'd always left her messages in the exact same way too, forgetting that cell phones have caller ID. It always made me smile. Her calls made an impression on my heart and my life. She made and impression on my heart and my life.
I've been thinking a lot about my Grandma lately as I watch my own children grow and they ask about the beautiful woman whose picture sits on our fireplace mantle. To appease their curious minds, I tell them nice stories about her and teach them some of the fun songs and games she taught me as a child. I remember how much faith she had in me and how she believed that I could do anything. When I wanted to go to Harvard and become a lawyer, she handed me my first dollar. When I wanted to marry my high school sweetheart, she reminded me how hard it would be to be married at 18, but told me the story of how she had married her own high school sweetheart and supported me and helped me plan a wedding.
When I had my first baby at 20 years old, she was there telling my mother-in-law (who wasn't supportive) how proud she was of me. My Grandma was one of my main supporters throughout my life and she said something to me once that I've never forgotten...
"Never take on more than your heart is capable of handling."
At the time, I was just a young mom of two and I didn't think much on her words. Back then, I felt I could do it all and conquer the world. I wanted and still do want to conquer the world and I never wanted to disappoint one of the most important persons in my life. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm taking life one day at a time and not overworking myself as I remember that advice she gave me all those years ago. I'm learning exactly that "what your heart is capable of handling" was never a literal phrase of a physical nature, but she meant it for me to never stress myself over doing too much in life to succeed. I get that now. My Gram's advice will live on in my life and I thank her so much for it as I write this blog post and share it with others.
Do I have 10 stories in my computer waiting to be finished? Yes. But I'm not planning on dying anytime soon. I have my whole life to write and I'm just waiting for the right inspiration for the right story. I write every day, but I don't rush my stories.
I once thought about using my grandma in a story just to prove that the simplest things in life can have the biggest impact. People often ask me where I find my inspiration. I find my inspiration not from expensive vacations or reading other books (in fact, I rarely read anything except Jane Austen or other classics... sue me.) Where I find my inspiration is in everyday life, regular people, the trees, birds, sunshine, the crack of a bat at my son's baseball game, the sound of a baby crying at my many MANY doctor appointments... all of these things added all together is how I get the many ideas for my numerous books (3 published, about 10 started). All of them you will experience eventually!
Perhaps she will appear in a story eventually, but I always do everything as a surprise and nothing ever as it seems! For now, take life as naturally as it comes. Live and love each day for what it is. We aren't promised tomorrow.
"Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort."-Jane Austen, Emma
©MegS
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